The Myth of "Having It All": A Question Worth Asking
The debate over whether women can “have it all” has been ongoing for decades. With growing expectations for women to excel in their careers, manage family life, and prioritize self-care, is it truly possible to balance it all in today’s fast-paced world? Or is the idea of “having it all” an outdated, unrealistic ideal that only adds to an ever-growing list of things to do and be?
Why It's Worth Questioning the Idea of Having It All
The idea of “having it all” has long been seen as a measure of success, with women striving to excel in both their careers and personal lives. But as The Atlantic argued in their 2012 article, "Why Women Still Can't Have It All," this pursuit often leads to burnout. The reality of trying to "do it all" doesn’t always match the fantasy—especially when support systems aren’t in place. More and more, the notion of having it all feels like a recipe for exhaustion than a sustainable way to live.
In fact, as the New York Times pointed out in their examination of the origins of this ideal, the idea of "having it all" has evolved—and in many ways, it has been shaped by cultural expectations that may no longer align with women’s realities. The article underscores that the myth of having it all often overlooks the very real challenges and pressures women face. Which ties into the broader conversation about success and balance, suggesting that the pursuit of "having it all" may not only be unrealistic but may also be a barrier to achieving a more sustainable and personalized sense of success.
The Trend of "Boss Lady" and the Beyoncé Myth
One trend that has emerged in the pursuit of “having it all” is the image of the "boss lady"—the woman who does it all with grace, effortlessly balancing career, family, and self-care. This ideal is often paired with motivational phrases like, You have the same amount of hours in the day as Beyoncé. The message here is clear: with the right mindset and time management and perhaps 4am wake-up anyone can achieve greatness.
But here’s the catch: While Beyoncé’s success is undeniably inspiring, it’s also largely out of reach for most of us. The idea that we all have the same 24 hours often becomes a comparison tool, but it overlooks the privileges, resources, and support systems that successful women like Beyoncé have at their disposal. So rather than helping us achieve our best, this ideal can make us feel worse off and build an unhealthy image of success that is not only unattainable but also unsustainable.
Redefining Success
In contrast to the "have it all" mentality, there is a growing perspective that women are redefining success on their own terms. Allowing us to consider that success doesn’t mean doing everything at once; instead, it’s about finding balance and prioritizing what matters most. As highlighted in an essay by Time Magazine titled "Forget Having It All. Let’s Try Having Enough," today’s the intention is increasingly focused on what works for us, whether it’s by setting flexible work hours, seeking support, or focusing on what aligns with our personal goals.
This shift is also reflected in the perspective put forward by The New York Times, which suggests that women, particularly those who have been striving to “have it all,” are moving away from the traditional notion of perfection. Instead, they are embracing a more sustainable approach that allows for balance, rest, and personal fulfillment. Women today are finding success not in doing everything perfectly but in doing what works for their own lives and values. Hallejuah!
Challenging the Myth
At Arum.care, we believe in creating space for balance, self-care, and wellness without the pressure of doing everything. The “having it all” myth can often create unnecessary pressure, pushing us to chase an ideal that isn’t sustainable and to be honest chasing a measure of success that is not one size fits all.
So,instead of focusing on perfection, we advocate for embracing your own definition of success, which can include rest, well-being, and the understanding that you don’t have to do it all to feel fulfilled.
Is "Having It All" Really the Goal?
The idea of “having it all” is undeniably appealing, but is it practical? As we reflect on the myth that has shaped so many women's lives, the question remains: Should we continue striving for an impossible standard, or is it time for a new definition of success—one that doesn’t require perfection? Success looks different for everyone. The real question is: What does success look like for you?
